every now and my cat does something very human like and i get very nervous and ask him “are you a person trapped in a cat’s body. or did you choose this body” very seriously to see if this time he will communicate with me and he always kinda looks to the side and then does what i imagine to be a person doing a bad impression of a cat and it makes me so nervous cuz i do way too much weird shit around my cat for him to actually be a dude pretending to be a cat
can we just talk about how this always ends up happening somehow
I end up with 10+ tabs all the time
i end up with so many that they don’t even say tumblr they are just little squares.
So I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
nick nO THAT’S NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES FRIEND
HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND
NICK YOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN
I’M GOING TO HARNESS THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES
NICK P L E A S E
knows nothing about cars
would be able to spot a ‘67 Chevy Impala from the 53rd floor of a building
through the fog
by the sound of the motor
MY BEST FRIEND WAS AT RICHARD III TONIGHT AND SHE SNEEZED DURING MARTIN FREEMANS MONOLOGUE AND MARTIN FREEMAN SAID BLESS YOU
SHE HAS BEEN BLESSED BY MARTIN FREEMAN
he broke character?!
YES AND THE WHOLE THEATER LAUGHED AND THEN HE JUST KEPT GOING!
agentrodgers didn’t like how I made my sandwich.
you put jelly on one side of the bread and peanut butter on the other. that’s an abomination and at least I know how to make a proper sandwich
How else would one make a pb&j? Like do you put them on the same slice of bread? I am so confused?
She should show us how to make one since she is just SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!
OKAY KIDS RYAN’S GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A PB&J SANDWICH
first you need your two slices of bread but as opposed to putting the peanut butter on one side, like some kind of animal, you’re going to put it on both
next you can slap your jelly of choice on and spread that shit it
now you can put the bread together and bag the sandwich for a meal later on
by making the sandwich like this, it stops the jelly from seeping through one side of the bread and making it all soggy when you eat it. I had to pack my lunch through the majority of school and that means having the sandwich sit in a bag for a solid 5 hours before I get to eat it and if you only put the jelly on one side, it’s going to bleed through the bread and be nasty but the peanut butter creates a buffer so it’s in prime condition
Dude black widow showed me how to make a sandwich
You’re welcome, citizen
oh my god
Turns out the world isn’t such a bad place after all.
Timely reminder that people are inherently good.
so yesterday i got home from my best friend’s birthday party and thirty seconds later my sister comes into my room and asks me if i can keep a secret and i said it depends and she pulled a fucking cat out from behind her back and i was like “i think we can keep this between us”
his name is peanut and hes this country’s most precious secret
well now 171 people know about this you had one job